crazy. i hate blogs

i can't sleep.

these past seven days have done more to shape my future than the past four years have.

wage freezes. contractual obligations. union meetings. grievances. buyouts. economy in the shitter.

my profession hinges on my creativity. my drive. my curiosity. and while no one becomes a writer, a journalist, to become rich, i refuse to be paid less for my intellectual property than i deserve.

in six months, i don't know where i'll be. but it seems like it won't be here.

i'm not scared. i think this is what i needed.

wasn't me

seriously, shaggy, you are a lyrical master. I'm so glad that song came on while we were at the woodlands for nikki's 23rd birthday extravaganza. yes, that's right, I went to the woodlands. and I danced. and sang. and I still have friends, so thank you for that, guys.
it was such a fun time. reminded me of going out during college... cheap drinks, annoying guys, bad music (save for mr. boombastic of course) and best friends.
I like the fact that I can be my spastic, "terrible" dancing self (I still think my rendition of the charleston kicks ace), and my friends embrace it, instead of laughing... oh wait. well, I guess you can embrace and laugh at the same time.
hell, we even laughed as nikki took a dive off the dancing stage at the club... twas with love.
going to beer boys after reminded me a lot of last year, too. I saw a lot of... good friends? bitchy friends? soap-on-a-rope friends?
eh.
it was enough nostalgia to give me a good feeling inside, without the bitter aftertaste.

GO PHILLIES! one win away from the WORLD SERIES CHAMPS!
I threw around the idea tonight that I would get out of work around 8 tomorrow and drive down and party in the citizens bank park lot. I won't do this by myself though, so if I can't muster up a crew, or even just one interested person, I won't do it. so if you're up for a free trip to philly for a few hours, hit me up. it will be fun and we will come back the same night.

i'll catch you

back from a wonderful weekend in NYC. I was hating on fall a bit, due to my distaste for cold weather, but walking around in central park, wearing a cardigan and watching the leaves fall reignited my love for autumn.
I'm watching rays vs. sox now. I don't know who I'd rather the phils play in the series. I was thinking the rays, but then they started getting hot, but THEN the sox did one of their classic comebacks... and now I just don't know. whoever it is... they better suck it.
I do not want to go to work tomorrow. I hate mondays and I already have two assignments, as well as a long-term project that has to be completed by the weekend. bah.
well I have no more to say. GO PHILLIES.

I kissed the bottle... I should have been kissing you

working 4 to midnight again today. I can't believe I actually liked that shift when I first started. I feel like a waste sitting around my apartment until 4, and then I'm at work forever, and once I get out I'm wired, but it's midnight! what am i going to do at midnight?
except for get a delicious sheetz dinner (would have been better if there were nearby wawas) and read some books. very interesting. ughhh not to mention when I work this late, I'm designing pages and whatnot, so I don't get anything done on my stories, and then I get harassed by my editors. well if you're going to have me do two jobs, you should expect this once in a while.
maybe it sounds like I am complaining too much. I do love my job. if I didn't, I'd get a much better paying one, of that you can be sure. it's just frustrating sometimes.
I should go to the gym. that probably won't happen... I finally bought a real bed (no more air mattress!) and it is so soft and bouncy and wonderful that I never want to get out of it and maybe I will take it with me to work.
yes.
if I could sit on this bed while working, it would all be worth it.

we sat and smoked against the wall, drank a beer, felt the chill of fall

I'm hitting my guitar stride. I am impressing myself. I just learned some cranberries songs because the only person who can sing better than that chick is nikki. and what band is nikki in? oh, yes, that's right. edipis wrecks... your eardrums. in a good way. that's not supposed to be perjorative. we're really good, I promise.
seriously, my left hand hurts from playing. I have callouses. I love it. I feel accomplished.
I had work today. overtime, baby... that's where the money's at. work has been going really well. I came across two stories; one's running tomorrow and the other is kind of long plan but as long as I can execute them well, they will be two clips that I am going to be damn proud of.
so, oh, hello, october. where did you come from? i'm in disbelief.
seems like just yesterday it was summer and 80 degrees out. when nikki and I went to the bar friday night, I wore my winter coat. crazy. I miss summer. I used to love autumn, but I'm not feeling it this time around. I think it's because I am in the office all the time and not really enjoying the outdoors... today, on my way to work, I bought a caramel apple spiced cider, just to feel the fall.
I want cider now, dammit. I only have acai and pomegranate tea. it's not the same.

I can't tell the buildings from the people, the strangers from the steeples

I am digging orange juice lately. healthy, yet delicious. probably cause it has a lot of sugar in it. bastards. oh, tropicana. you fickle beverage. but seriously, I bought these little cartons of OJ and they are adorable.

today was a bad day at work but it gave me a new sense of my purpose there... if I'm going to get better at writing, I can't half-ass it. not that I am, in fact, I do three different jobs within any given week. however, the area I can improve most is my writing, so I'm going to stay a little longer at work to get better reads on copy, etc. I want to work more on the Web aspect of news. tomorrow, I'm going to shoot video of Biden's speech for the Web site, because I really suck at video and need practice.

all I know is I've been given a great opportunity. I'm doing what I set out to do when I started college. I'm proud of that. and maybe I shouldn't say I've been "given" that opportunity. I worked damn hard to get where I am. but there are a lot of other qualified graduates that could have taken my place. this gives me all the reason to work harder.

I still think blogs are pretty stupid but I hope this serves as a reminder about where I'm going and what I need to do to get there. peace.
"luck is where preparation meets opportunity"

he drinks and thinks about a girl who lies

oh, the bouncing souls, how i missed thee. it has been far too long, even though when I saw you last... in december!... you played a wonderful show. but this setlist was filled with old favorites and it was lovely. I am glad you are touring now, and I am glad I got to see you in philly, because I am in love with it. I am even in love with the mysterious "starlight ballroom" where you played, which was a cross between a disco, roller rink and VFW hall. much appreciation goes out to the random wedding decorations strewn about the hall, and even more so to the wedding party that was apparently coming in as the show got out at 9:30 p.m.

and, oh, thank you for playing "headlights ditch," even if it was only for 30 seconds.

on the way home, we blasted weston and MIZAR and talked about memories of college and parties and people... it reminded me of junior year, when we'd just randomly decide to catch a show in baltimore or D.C. and then skip class the next day.

but that is no more. luckily I didn't have work today, cause I slept rather late.

then I cut off most of my hair.

and then I got angry. really angry. and you don't mess with me when I'm angry.

and there's a chance that things could get weird, yeah that's a possibility

I have been a vegetarian for four days now. I decided I wanted a challenge, so I am not going to eat meat for a month. this has nothing to do with personal feelings about tasty, furry animals... I just feel not eating meat has health benefits. And if after a month, I don't feel any healthier, back to the chicken it is. because really chicken is the only meat I eat anyway. except for bacon... oh god, bacon. I almost bought veggie bacon at the store but I think it would probably suck and ruin the deliciousness that is hot, greasy bacon.
ughhh I want bacon now.
veggieburgers, though? de-lish. I never got into them, but now, out of necessity, I've become quite fond.

in related news, during this fit to become healthy i have started taking vitamins and trying to eat organic foods. both are expensive and I do not foresee the continuation of this.

i'm bored. peace.

your drug is a heartbreaker... my love is a lifetaker

I have just gone through my finances and the situation is dire. not terribly, but I think I just realized I buy a lot of stuff. things I don't need. like I buy coffee before work almost every day... if I cut that out and maybe only get it once a week (because please, people, there's no way I can give up pumpkin spice mochas fo'eva) I would save $20 a week. and I have a coffeemaker at my apartment, so it's not a biggie.

but seriously... I thought I had so much money and I really don't. not enough that if I lost my job tomorrow, I'd be able to live for several months. even with a shitty newspaper reporter's salary, I feel like I make a lot of money, for me at least. I just gotta curb the ridic spending.

does anyone have a last.fm profile? if so, add me. quickchekgrl. I'm listening now, to the weezer station.

today was a sad day. ross had to be put to sleep. I knew this day was coming. we've had him for 12 years, and the vet estimated he was at least two or three years old when we found him... or when he found us, whatever. my dad was joking that I didn't like ross because he often attacked me, but really he was the best cat ever. even last night, when I went home to see him, he was sprawled out on the bathroom floor (he hasn't left the bathroom since he got sick) but when I came in he lifted up his head and started meowing and purring. it was like he was saying goodbye.

bottle of beast

whenever I get nostalgic for high school, which is rare, and even rarer that it's a pleasant memory, I always think of snow days. early dismissals because of snow, to be more specific. I was miserable during high school, not specifically because of school, but mainly because of my own problems.

but I think I will always remember how snow looked as it fell on pennsylvania avenue as I looked out the window of the chemistry lab, watching the white, wet snow collect on the parking lot of the shitty strip mall across the street. how wet the front lobby was, how muddy and messy, from everyone's shoes dragging slushy snow in and out while waiting for car rides home. wiping snow off of our cars, my cheeks and hands red and burning from the cold, because i never brought gloves or hats to school. and how much fun it was to be old enough to drive home with friends, carefully, through the snow at 11 a.m., ready to spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing. when I miss high school, I almost always think about snow days. I don't know why.

damn you, chris carabba, for playing randomly on the way home from the bar.

that's what I love about sundays

nikki, I haven't heard that song in quite some time. we need to change that. I love sundays.

I made many fine purchases today, including season 4 of the office! that will be my night tonight, and I am very excited.

right now I am at my parents' house and checking out what sweet tunes my dad has on his computer. here is what I found:
1.) the little river band (playing at the citizens' voice 30th anniversary party this october at the woodlands!)
2.) bonnie raitt... haaaaave a heart
3.) linda ronstadt... you're no good you're no good you're no good, baby, you're no good
4.) supertramp... take the long way home
5.) the grass roots! yes! midnight confessions. I still think it's nuts that creed is in that band.
6.) peter fucking frampton. epic. SHOW ME THE WAY.
7.) and from the 'new favorites' collection: green day, goo goo dolls and matchbox 20.
the list goes on. hilarious, john, hilarious.

ha he just walked down here, little does he know I'm mocking his iTunes collection.

ummmm I think I'm going to watch the office now. I think it's weird that I came home with my new purchase and my mom was boiling beets. who does that, besides dwight schrute?!? luci g, everyone. what's up mah nerds?

it took a lifespan with no cellmate

I was on my way to write in here earlier but I had some unexpected visitors.

I did absolutely nothing this weekend and I loved it. Unless you count relaxing and being lazy things, then yes, I accomplished a lot. So much so that going back to work tomorrow is going to suck. Oh well.

Tonight I am quite content with sitting here in a T-shirt and boxers and playing the guitar. I am rapidly improving my skills.

Now I will discuss the end of summer. I highly enjoy summer, simply because of the abundant sunlight and warmth. Autumn is my favorite season, mainly because of cinnamon and pumpkin things. After autumn, though, it's all downhill from there. Winter sucks, and spring offers brief glimmers of hope for warm sun but usually is cold, rainy and subjects me to allergy attacks. Thus, except for the fall season, I'm really not happy that today is the beginning of September... until I think about where I was a year ago.

you've got me right where you want me

yesterday I was allergic to work.

I was fine until the moment I walked into the office, and then I got the worst headache ever. I thought I was going to pass out. I left early, muttering, "I'll just come in early tomorrow," watched Hillary at the DNC, and passed the eff out. 12 hours later, ailment mysteriously gone. allergic to work? must be.

listening to TBS takes me back - way back - to, say, junior year of high school. what a fine time. back when our biggest problems were meeting/keeping some pittston boyfriends and skipping chorus. that was just me? oh.

this entry is such a waste, nothing interesting happened today, I am just writing for the sake of writing peace mother sucka.

after work, I bought almost 2 pounds of pistachios ("deez nuts," if you will) and I think that will be the rest of my night.

yesterday I sunk, today I float

I like when nay comes to visit because my mouth always hurts afterward. from laughing. what were you thinking? sick.

I would like to discuss how I wish I were going back to school. but not grad school. just normal school. I miss going to class and having nothing to do for the rest of the day, or at worse, maybe a paper and a 5-hour shift at the pharmacy. don't get me wrong, I love my job, but... what I want to say is that I wish I had spent less time complaining during college and spent more time enjoying it.

pros of job: money, something to do, getting to sleep in, meeting people, improving writing skills, good co-workers. cons of job: taxes (nikki, I agree, I feel I would be a millionaire by now if not for uncle samuel), somewhat shitty hours, the inability to skip if I am too hungover.

another fine thing about my job is overtime. I worked yesterday and am going to work next sunday as well. why, you ask? cause I need the skills to pay the bills, i.e. rent, student loans and my new car bill!

I just cut a bunch of hair out of my brush and it is disgusting.

edipis wrecks had a great practice today; our third CD will be called edipis wrecks mr. holland's opus.

in closing, whoever really got to label a post scooters, vacation, fall probably had the best day ever.

something dies when you grow older, but you do the best you can

so tonight I arrived home from work to find guitars in my living room and a college-esque party going on next door. nikki and i practiced some fine songs (thus officially starting the greatest band ever, edipis wrecks). then, we crashed the party, which was actually my neighbor's 32nd birthday party... and we didn't really crash, as her friend, and also my neighbor, is a co-worker of mine and invited us over anyway. no matter... ice luges were employed and beer pong was played. what a lovely evening. keith and nikki went out to a bar after but I am tired and have work again tomorrow afternoon so now I am in bed listening to the party going on next door.

let's discuss edipis wrecks. it is a swell band. i play guitar and nikki sings. we practiced 2.5 songs, one of which might contain a lyric that is in my head, and therefore the title of this entry. i'd like our first cd to be called "your face." as in, edipis wrecks your face.

i miss someone right now. what a strange feeling.

EDIT: 12:18 p.m.: the near-30 people next door at the party are singing "livin on a prayer" right now. clearly, i left too early.

I don't know why it's gotten harder to keep myself away, I thought I finally beat the feeling back, it all came back today

today at work I had to cover a press conference at a women's shelter. the church they were housed in will be sold next month so the shelter has nowhere to go. it was weird, I guess I always had a stereotype in my head that homeless people were, well, homeless for a reason. I can't explain it. but after the conference I talked to a girl that is living there. her name was nicole and she couldn't have been that much older than me. she talked about how she was college-educated and has a son. then she got into an accident and couldn't pay her hospital bills, let alone her rent, and she's been living at the shelter since january. her son can't live there, since it's women-only, so he has to live with his father.
she gestured to a cot and a dresser and said, "this is my entire life now."
it was all too real for me.
I went back and wrote the story and I hope someone can donate a basement or some money so the shelter will continue.

in closing, I think you should be listening to the mountain goats right now.

I haven't written in this thing since I was required to for grades and college credit, but perhaps i will now.
but first I must procure Photoshop so i can make a new header.